Showing posts with label Fail. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fail. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Don't Be a Smug Cook--Part 2

Remember back when Evey was doing those GF Fridays? And remember my GF Friday post about how we don't "do" gluten-free here in the E's Delights kitchen? (You can check it out here if you wish to laugh at my naivete) I wish I could go back and smack the crap out of myself.
Because I am knee-deep in this shit, now, my friends. Knee. Freaking. Deep.
Princess Sassafras has had tummy issues ever since she came to live with us about 18 months ago.  We have spent considerable time and effort trying to get her gastrointestinal functions under control and it has been no picnic. Recently we got some tests back indicating that she is highly sensitive to several foods which make up the backbone of all of the food in this house. Eggs. Wheat. Whey. Casesin (milk protein). Cheese. Peanuts.
Awesome.
Look, I am not going to complain. She does not have a life-threatening peanut allergy. She does not have celiac. She eats, breathes, grows.  I am still incredibly blessed.  And now I get to use my fancy education and the power of the Internet to come up with a way to make tortillas made out of cauliflour. The point of this post is to give you a couple of tips if you are a smug person like me who now has to eat humble pie:
1. Don't panic. --Seriously, it is going to be fine. Information is always better than ignorance and now you have the power to make a positive impact in someone's life.
2. Utilize every resource you've got.--Get on Pinterest, FoodAllergies.com, go to the library, go to WebMD, talk to other parents, join pages on Facebook, but basically do whatever you need to do to get information and support.  You are confused and upset. It's okay. Let other people help you navigate this tricky world.
3. Make a list.--Post a list on the refrigerator of food ingredigents to be on the lookout for.  When your spouse is trying to feed all of your kids and it's already 30 minutes past dinner time and he or she doesn't want to call you because you are finally enjoying a night out, give them a break a post a list of stuff to watch out for. This keeps you from screaming, "NO! No soy sauce! Never soy sauce!!" over your phone at a packed bar while you try to juggle your cosmo.
4. Cry sometimes.--Yeah. It sucks. It would be nice not to have to spend $6 for a loaf of bread or spend 100 years shopping because you have read every single food label. But, if it sucks for you, imagine how it feels to be 4 years old and watch your brothers wolf down 3 slices of cheesy pizza at a party while your mommy cuts up your one millioneth grilled chicken breast because you can't have gluten OR dairy.
5. Embrace the crazy.--I have had laundry sitting various states of folded vs not folded on my sofa for two days. I have spent the time instead creating a special shelf for Princess Sassafras in the kitchen of all the foods she CAN snack on so that I am not constantly shouting, "No! You can't eat that!" I also have been burning up our Amazon Prime account ordering GF oats, GF flours, nuts, and coconut oil so that I can make the girl a muffin that won't send her into gastric distress. Everyone deserves a good muffin.
Drink wine. Remember how awesome you are.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

E vs. Banana Bread Muffins (spoiler alert: I lose)

Some of you may know that I am having an ongoing battle with my daughter's stomach.  Poor Fancy Pants bloats at every blink of an eye.  All the regular culprits seem to have been eliminated (dairy, gluten, soy, gnomes) so we are at an impasse for the moment. However, I have been trying to cut down on her carbs and give her mostly veggies and protein. Fancy Pants is not super happy with this as you might imagine. My girl never met a muffin she didn't like and watching her brothers chow down on cereal every morning is starting to give her serious rage.


So, I did what any good Mommy would do...I searched to find her a muffin that she could eat.  She loves bananas and we always have some on hand, so I figured that banana muffins would be awesome.  I would swap the regular flour for almond or oat flour, add a little Xanthum gum to hold it together and we would be good to go.
Alas, I was to be thwarted.


I made a couple of batches of these muffins, WHICH SHE ATE by the way, and then I noticed that they were COMPLETELY UNCOOKED in the middle. Seriously. I didn't follow my own "taste everything" rule because I really, really hate bananas. My husband told me that he thought they were mushy and it wasn't until he said something that I broke one open and saw the disgusting raw blob in the center. Fancy Pants was so damn desperate for the muffin that she just kept eating them despite my lack of skills. 



Obviously, I tried again.  And again.  And one more time. I have been completely defeated by the muffins.  I can't get them to rise, I can't get them to finish cooking, and if I leave them in the oven too long the tops and bottoms get rubbery and the middle remains uncooked. I am hella pissed. You would wonder why I don't just ask Evey to MAKE me some GF Banana Muffins since it's kind of HER JOB, but I was bound and determined to do it on my own. You know what? I frickin' quit. Screw you, Banana Muffins.  I'm opening some Pinot Grigio and drowning my sorrows.










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